I wrote this so I would remember my thoughts.

I always write short post because i forget my thoughts so this time I wrote them down while they were fresh.

It started out like such a lovely afternoon.
-my stomach was empty
-I was out with my friends
We spent most of the trip looking at swimsuits and complaining about our bodies, (ironically) we had icees/slushies or whatever they're called. Then, I came home like a hungry cave woman I ate about 5 or 6 plates of different things. I looked at my fat self in the mirror...I had to do it I had throw up. I rushed Into the bathroom and undressed quicker than the horny teenagers in movies. I climbed into the shower, turned on the water. I wet my self completely my hair was curled by the water. I sat down on my hands and knees, stuck my finger down my throat...it happens...I take a small break... try to repeat but its to far, i waited too long i digested most of it.Good thing I had opened the bathroom window or I would not have been able to breathe. I finish washing my self. that's the good thing about throwing up in the shower you can wash away the smell No one hears what you do. I wash my hair, the hair i constantly get complemented on by my relatives. I would trade this hair for a thin body. Thin hair but a thin body. Maybe thick hair is for thick girls. thick is just a nice word for fat just like curvy.

how I looked when I wrote this down...
-still naked from my shower (lol)
-my eyes red and sad
-my cheeks red
I poked my face looking for bones making sure it wasn't just made out of fat. I saw part of my collar bones:)
...I try soooo hard but its never enough. My phys ed teacher in 5th grade used to say "You haven't tried hard enough if you haven't thrown up or fainted".
She was right.

loves,
A.N